The way of the cross or the way that "just has to stand it." That choice is up to you.

THE TRANSFIGURATION OF OUR LORD ? THE LAST SUNDAY AFTER THE EPIPHANY ? February 26, 2006
2 Kings 2:1-12; Psalm 50:1-6; 2 Corinthians 4:3-6; Saint Mark 9:2-9

In nomine Jesu!

They had no expectations atop that mountain ? not of vision, not of mystery, not of change. Up there all would be routine, "normal" ? normal as they always knew it; normal as their "people" always knew it ? normal, except that they would be together on the mountain, by its streams and in its coolness, high above their drab and arid home down on "the plain." They had no expectations as they climbed up on the mountain, except that they would be together. Un-expecting, unprepared up on that mountain, they were terrified, yet they longed to remain there together. They were repulsed, yet compelled to return. Worse than that, they could not tell what had happened. They could not tell what had changed in "the other" nor admit what had changed in themselves. Worse than that, they could not let what had happened, what had changed, what was different ? they could not let their great "mountaintop experience" ? affect how they lived on the plain. "If you can't fix it, you've got to stand it."

Those words ? "If you can?t fix it, you?ve got to stand it" ? the last words of Annie Proulx? short story, Brokeback Mountain and the awards winning movie of the same name, have become a kind of mantra for all too many of us today. Whether it?s a dead end job or no job at all; whether we?re thinking globally, nationally or familially, these are words of surrender, of wounded relationships, battered hopes and shattered dreams; of helpless resignation and the frustrating paralysis of our very souls. "No matter what I know, no matter what I think, no matter what I believe, no matter what I do, nothing is going to change." Poet and theologian Martin Franzmann called this kind of life "an aimless mote, a deathward drift from futile birth." For all too many of us, these words ring true.

When Peter, James and John ascended the mountain with Jesus, they had a mountaintop experience; a vision of who they were and what they could and would really be. So did Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist on Brokeback Mountain. And just like Ennis and Jack ? although for entirely different reasons ? they could tell no one of what had happened, and so what happened made no difference and so nothing of substance could change. They couldn?t fix it, they had to stand it. How often do you feel the same?

There is no shortage, I think, of mountaintop experiences, of potential life-changing encounters with what is good and best and beautiful, of what is possible for our lives. My own mountaintop experience comes nearly every Sunday as I behold us gathering together for worship, for community, for the sake of one another; as this "communion of diverse individuals and communities" sings and prays and eats and drinks and laughs and cries together, a band of decidedly unique individuals with often mutually exclusive thoughts and behavior, transformed together into the vibrant, loving, caring, exuberant Body of the Christ. It is here that I understand Martin Luther King words, "I have been to the mountaintop! I have seen the Promised Land," because I?ve glimpsed it and I?ve heard it and foretasted it with you. And I know that happens to all of us, if not when we worship, then in some other, more personal, way.

And that is why that sentence, "If you can?t fix it, you?ve got to stand it," and the surrender that stands behind it grates so powerfully on me because I can?t believe God gives us these visions, these mountaintop experiences, without also giving us the will and power and courage to change.

From Brokeback Mountain, Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist came down alone. They went their separate ways, they lived with hollow lives and broken dreams. They came back to the mountain in order to escape from those lives, not in order to change them.

From the Mount of Transfiguration, Peter, James and John came down together, with Jesus. And though they could not tell the vision, they were shown how their lives would change. They went with Jesus, and saw the way of transfiguration. They went with Jesus and found the way of the cross. And after he had risen from the dead, they no longer had to just stand it; they had the hope and the courage and the vision and the power to change. They turned the whole world upside down!

Today, with Peter, James and John, in the presence of Jesus, we ascend to the mountaintop, we behold the vision; we glimpse our bright future; and we taste of the feast that is yet to come. With Peter, James and John ? as with Ennis and Jack on the mountain ? it is good for us to be here.

Yet we cannot remain.

We have been to the mountaintop! We have seen the Promised Land.

There is a choice for us in what follows. There is always a choice, no matter which was the mountaintop, when we come back down to the plain. We can go it alone, as did Jack and Ennis. We can go it alone like proud, self-reliant, self-sufficient Americans, and just stand it, all the drabness, all the dullness, all the injustice in our world and our lives. Then come back to the mountain as they did, for escape, for refreshment, and for all that is really real.

Or we can come from the mountain with Jesus, with Peter and James and John, and with each other, and because we live after Christ?s rising, we can turn the whole world upside down.

The way of the cross or the way that "just has to stand it." That choice is up to you.

Amandus J. Derr
Saint Peter?s Church
In the City of New York

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